My eyes hurt. My eyes want to close, but there afraid that they won't see the light anymore or your beautiful smile you do when you laugh at some cheesy joke you made yourself. Sometimes I don't know how I could love you so much that your blinded by it. All I ask is that you take that chance....youv given me another chance, but its taking long...very long.

Do you think the person who gives you a second chance in starting over again (relationship wise) is well worth it?

http://crystalmarina.tumblr.com/

check it out!

I think im still going to blog here though, but tumblr is for more fun stuff instead of
all this lovey dovey shizz...

you either love it or hate it.You can either throw it away or make good use of it. I can spend hours talking to you telling you the tough obsticles of my life. How my high school experience was ruined and how im barley starting to actually live life now! At one moment im in love with everything or the next im hating everything and being this emotional wreck either case I am thankful for everyone in my life...Yes even the bad. I learn a lot of who to trust and who is good in my life and who will actually be supportive of what im trying to do. Let me know what your going through and I will listen! I'm always there with open ears.

I plan on doing good things in my life I am def trying to be more responsible then I ever have been before. It's time.

maybe? maybe that's the real truth....
but I think i just failed.

today is the day of the wake for my grandpa. I can't believe he is gone. I was such a wreck
the other week when he passed my eyes where hurting so bad from so much crying and even my head had the worst migrane. I barley ate too so that didn't help. To feel some comfort in what i was going through i was listening to two songs by this christian band on repeat there called Moi there music is so comforting and soothing but the more i heard the songs the more i cried so now when i hear those two songs all I do is think of my grandpa. Sometimes i even look up at the sky and think how much i miss him and that im going to be seeing him in heaven one day.Today ill probably get emotional again being that I see his body one last time and it just hurts me so bad, I will try and be strong but if other family members are crying i doubt i can hold up.

tomorrow is the funeral and the thing is he isnt being buried he isnt being put in that wall thing...no clue how that is done, but my grandma has a place for her already when she passes you know i dont even want to think about when she does me and her are so close that I would not want to live anymore. When my grandfather passed i thought how can someone live there life when someone so important to them dies? really? Its like you can never hear there voice or see there face anymore or have there cooking. My grandfather was an amazing cook and I will always miss that.after the funeral we are going to have a family gathering at my grandmas where we talk and eat you know like a party type of thing? except its not a party its just to thank everyone for coming. there is so much family coming that i dont even know like aunts,uncles,cousins im gonna be meeting a lot.

I really love my whole family there so important to me.
this was an actual real blog and very long indeed.

R.I.P Grandpa

I don't know what to feel for you anymore.
You have walked into my life and have gotten too involved in so many ways
I can either love it or hate it
Iv been growing up with you for a little over two years now and wow how both we have changed
And you know what? I miss the old you and me....

I can't blame you for feeling the way you feel.
life's confusing sometimes and has its hardships.
Sometimes you think hating someones guts will make things all
better when truly inside your aching. I don't like to see you
where you put yourself in. frankly it hurts me most. You probably
don't notice how it gets to me but my mind contains it and re-runs
every now and then. Weather things are true or not I always don't want to
believe, but its the love that keeps me going. I keep wanting to pull everyone out
of there flames, but they keep running back in. I do the best I can.
I love you.

to go visit my friend /lover Raya....someone donate me a couple of hundreds for the flight =)

your not an obsession your not a trend your a lifestyle.

I have Scoliosis

 

Scoliosis is a condition that involves complex lateral and rotational curvature and deformity of the spine. It is typically classified as congenital (caused by vertebral anomalies present at birth), idiopathic (sub-classified as infantile, juvenile, adolescent, or adult according to when onset occurred) or as having developed as a secondary symptom of another condition, such as cerebral palsy or spinal muscular atrophy.

 

My Scoliosis has caused me to feel sick  for the past few years....as the nerves are connected to my spine (and my spine is not aligned properly) it puts pressure on the nerves that  my organs don’t get the right signal which causes me to feel sick. I will now be going to the doctor 3 times a week for 8 weeks to help align my spine (it doesn’t mean I'm going to get better in those 8 weeks) but it will just help my spin start to train itself to go back straight then from there they will set up more ways to help me fully get back to my normal self.

 

Currently I feel pretty depressed about it, because they just tried to align my back today and it hurts a lot, and I’m afraid I may have to wear the brace for my back. L

 

I hope you guys can keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through the treatment.

 

Love you all ♥

My thoughts are camping out tonight, while my mind gets remodeled.
I don't know why im thinking about you and me...really? who would put that i my mind
that some how we can connect in a way where would end up being soul mates.
I only want your friendship.

My fingers are connected with my heart everything my heart feels types it away to anyone willing to listen.
I don't know how to feel about myself or the future right now. I try and stand straight, but there is always something pulling me over the edge.
I guess it's ok though since you should always live life on the edge,but i don't look forward to it.
I stitched up my pocket from letting my heart fall. I hope to give my heart away one day. Some people ask how much is your heart? and i say how much is yours? i leave them wondering....My heart is something you can't bargain with, because the person who is going to have a hold of my heart will always be there like the cracks in a wall. I cant' say anything else because my heart drew a blank. ----

The  warmth of the  coffee reminds me of you on my lips.
I shiver at the thought of it, but try and stay steady and hold balance.
Iv been sleeping in the AM lately whether its 2am or 5am i sleep with the thoughts of you.
I don't know what else to say about my days i'm just awaiting patiently of whats next to come.

Cleaning out the closet replacing the old and older with new and newer.
I spent my nights praying for your restoring soul. Iv been thinking...
your name should be imprinted on my heart cause that's where you live
most of the time. The makeup smears a little faster with every word you say.
My heart pounds faster and faster with the more clicking i do. I really want this
more then anything right now...honestly.

peoples lives if you let Hollywood suck you into there lifestyle.
You can still be YOU and go out to Hollywood if you stay true to yourself, and most importantly your family. Having a good time doesn't mean to do get caught up in the bad things people do like drugs etc...


even when you are going through tough times in life, it doesn't mean your the only person to be going through them some people have it harder then you. Don't drain yourself into the drugs because it's not going to help it just covers up what you feel inside

I awoke to the bitter cold.
The sun wasn't shining like before.
i feel cold chills up my spine, and saw my veins turn blue.
it's time to put on the midnight hoodie, and sleep with wolves.
the howling moon will even be brighter then the sun. bring on the fake tears.
i'm ready for the the days to be dim,it brings me back to old memories once
forgotten. The dim weather makes my "sunshine'  fade away, but in a way that is
comforting. Feels like we both will be on the same path.

Bought my ticket for Fall Out Boy show Long beach arena! I am stoked! I really hope i get meet and greet! I haven't met any of those kids in a long time! Time to make more memories for the better!

Happiness is temporary.
then there is let downs, and heart breaks that make you feel low.
iv got my eye on those two things. Happiness is always vaporized in a second.
There is always someone to come and rip you apart, and make you feel smaller then everyone else.
I wish life would come with happiness , like buying something at the store that comes with all the parts.

The more lurking I do, the more low i get about certain things.
confusion,regrets, mistakes...and love.

iv followed wrong paths and used the wrong glue.
It's time to do something for myself and stay hand in hand with the people who really care.

I don't want to follow anymore, but i neither want to be the leader.
I just want to be the role model that is right for the new coming generation.

my heart wants the truth, but my flesh gets the deceiving lies.
I pray for more truth. i love my sunshine, and want to see miracles.